Jabba the hut and her husband

We all know how miserable it can be to sit next to a fat person on the plane, but what about in a theater? Well, let me tell you about our night next to Jabba the hut and her husband.
There weren't a lot of people in the theater, we sat down with empty seats to both sides. Next to my husband were two empty seats. Moments before the movie started, a large woman(over 500 pounds) resembling Jabba the Hut waddled in, followed by her almost as big husband. She had in her hand, a giant liter cup of soda. The soda plays a role later, so wait for it. She bent slightly over next to my husband, and asked in a coarse labored voice, "Are these seats taken?" My husband replied no. She crammed her oversized soda cup into the cupholder next to my husband, and dropped her entire body into the way too small seat. These are stadium seatings that are designed for okay comfort. Yet with her, if it was not for the force of gravity working directly in her favor, she would not be able to squeeze into the seat. I felt the entire row dunk a little lower, when she anchored herself into the seat, and leaned back.

I thought the soda was entirely for her to quench her need to slurpe and inhale sugar, but it actually served another purpose, which I have never seen before. One thing I have noticed about fat people when they sit is, they are taller than everyone else. It could be because their butts are so big and padded, it's like sitting on a tall cushion; or it could be because they have to sit up much straighter because the fat rolls fill up all the space behind their back. It could be a combination of things. Jabba was no exception, she was towering over my husband like a statue of Buddha. On top of that, the fat around her torso and the fat around her arms have made this woman incapable of reaching the arm rest. So, she used the soda cup as an extension to the armrest! How brilliant!

I pinched myself hard many times to stop from laughing. Minutes after the movie started, Jabba fell asleep, and dropped her thigh sized arm on my husband numerous times. I guess the soda cup couldn't support her weight despite its own impressive size and girth. Occasionally, she would move her arms off the soda cup, and overlay them on top of each other on the top of her stomach. Note, not in front of her stomach, but on the top side of her stomach like a little table.

I didn't have to deal with her overflowing flesh, but I did hear quite a few grunts and hard breathing resonate like the cry of a beluga whale in her vicinity. Another thing I've noticed about corpulent people is that they cannot keep their voices low. This is possibly due to extra fat around their airway, which is what causes sleep apnea. I heard her heavy voice everytime she made a comment to her husband.

... I admit I can be judgemental and cruel, very cruel. But let's put ourselves in my husband's shoes for a second, or anyone who has to sit next to her in a confined space. Can you honestly say you will be a happy camper? You'd have to be a chub chaser to want that.

... Whatever floats your boat, I guess.